Happy Bandaversary to me … one month ago yesterday I was banded! This also marks my entry into week 5, which allows more foods and textures.  We celebrated with baked salmon and some roasted, Tuscan veggies at Bertucci's.  Of course half of it came home with me, but that is one of the perks of healthy eating that I seemed to have deprived myself of all these years.  If you enjoy a meal so much that you're willing to dig in and devour your plate, why not separate it into half, ask the waitress for a container before lifting the first bite to your drooling mouth, and take it home so you can enjoy it again the next day!  Genius, right?  

The people there probably thought we were nuts.  Both TJ and I were looking at the menu and then plucking menu ideas into our phones decided what and how I could eat.  Needless to say, a simple portion of baked salmon is not on the menu, but the kitchen was more than accommodating!  To dress it up a bit, the chef topped it with a small handful of freshly diced tomatoes, which I didn't eat, but it was the thought and creativity that counted!  

So now the answer to the question most people ask on your one month anniversary of being banded … "How much have you lost?"  ((((drum roll, please))))  Thirty-four pounds!  

That would be 20 pounds before surgery and 14 after, which ain't too shabby! 

To further celebrate this awesomeness, the girls and I are going shopping today!  Mama needs some new pants!  Some how when I was gaining weight, my fat ass jumped from size 14 to 18!  I have no size 16 pants!  So my choices are to wear the 18s and keep pulling them up so they don't look like one of my homey-students, squeeze into my 14s and bring the phrase 'muffin top' a whole new and disturbing meaning, or the obvious … go SHOPPING!  See, easy choice!  

I have not posted in two weeks.  Funny, because in my mind I was posting each and every day.  My problem is time and lack thereof … ideas and topics float into my brain or something odd strikes me funny and I work out an entire post in my head … then it evaporates.  So now a little game of catch-up ...

Well, for starters, I weighed in at 202 on the first of January and as of this weekend I am down to 198.6.  
I guess it's safe to say that slow and steady will win the race … or maybe I'm just going with that notion to make myself feel better.  

My calories have been under 800-850, carbs below 100-120, and sugars between 10-30.  I have been keeping my protein up around 50-65 and my fats have been kept in proportion, too. My day begins with hot lemon water and a multivitamin, followed by a protein drink.  Lunch is usually a cup of soup or oatmeal + a calcium chew and two fiber tablets. My super-sized jug of water stays close by my side,  and my one sin, that I refuse to repent from, is my indulgence of a 12 oz. WaWa coffee that I sip though-out the day. 

I joined Planet Fitness about eleven days ago (Jan. 3) and have managed to get my arse there for 8 out of those 11 days!  Go me!  

Starting with a burn-off of 150 calories, I am now up to 300-350 and aiming for 400, which would take off about 50% of my daily intake.  I created an entire spreadsheet on Excel to measure and monitor this progress; however,  have no desire to go into details about it now. Later. Maybe. Let's just say it has a lot to do with PCOS and I am slowly gaining more knowledge as to how this pesky condition has used my body as some kind of host to its evil plan.  My plan is to reverse it, control it, and conquer the evil … ok, maybe it's not that dramatic, but you get the point.  

Speaking of such … I will set aside time later to resume this session of catch-up, for now it is time to muster up a bit of energy and off to the gym I go … my (sexy) trainer is calling me … more on that later, too!  

Today is officially my 2 week point, which means I am officially entering into week three, which means I have graduated from liquid to 'mushy' foods!  

Applesauce, oatmeal, and guacamole. Oh my!

Yes, this makes me happy, but in the back of my mind there are some red flags waving … shouting … jumping up and down making funny faces and flailing around.

Clearly, the lap band isn't a miracle product that transforms your fat into fit overnight.  In fact, of all the weight loss surgeries to have, this is the one that will make you work the most for what you want. I see on some of the forums for Lap Band that people have pre-scheduled fills.  When Dr. Wasser told me he'd see me in two weeks I assumed this would be my first fill, too.  

Wrong.

In fact, I am now in a catch 22.  

If I lose 4 or more pounds in a month, I will not get a fill. At my 2 week check-up, Dr. Wasser lightly pushed on my port, told me I looked good, asked how I was feeling, and was pleased with my weight loss thus far.  He said he'd see me in a month and then shook my hand to send me on my way.  

My first thought … I sure as hell better lose more than 4 pound between now and Feb. first!  Damn!   I cannot imagine losing less than a pound a week, but then again … I have been stuck here at 202 for the past week.  Crap!  My idea is to lose 8-10 per month, which would then mean I never get a fill.  

Hello, catch-22! 

In the end, I know it doesn't matter as long as I am losing, but I thought having the 'fill' will keep me feeling closer to full.  Dr. Wasser said I have little to no restriction right now, and yet I do feel as if I get fuller faster and have to eat slower or else a tightness gathers in my chest and I become a belchasaurous!  Raaahh!!!  

If you have a band you know what I'm talking about.  

A bubble seems to form somewhere between your ribs and pouch above the band.  As it dislodges, you can feel it move upward and then loudly make its obnoxious entrance into the world.  Not exactly sexy, but damn it sure feels good! 

Walking helps move it along, as does a mini back rub.  Kinda like burping a baby, except you are the baby!  My husband has proven to be quite good at this … thanks, babe! 

Ok … back to my point … 

Dr. Wasser has given the ok to move onto mushy foods and told me to follow my weeks 3-5 menu options from the packet.  This would also be on my menu map and includes:

I know it doesn't seem like a lot, but considering my last 5-6 weeks have been nothing but protein drinks and soup, I sure do like these additional options.  

Of course, I'll make 1-2 changes, but that's because I'm me and I like to test the limits a bit.  Rather than saltine crackers, I wondering how organic tortilla chips will do?  Not has crumbly as the saltine crackers or toast, yet I can easily chew them into tortilla pudding before hitting the 'swallow' button.  Besides, hummus and toast?  No thanks!  This was my snack at the movies today when Tom and I took the girls for their New Year's matinee.  I counted out 13 child and 3 Tablespoons of hummus.  At TJ Maxx yesterday I found the perfect, small, dividing containers with locking lids.  I figured today would be a good day to test one out.  Success!  I even snuck in a bottle of Bai 5 … yum! 

I am prepared for the hardest phase (so far) to begin.  This is where I need to take another look at my menu options, calorie caps, and water intake. 

I may not log every drop of water I drink in My Fitness Pal, but I will be more diligent with logging foods and exercise.  

Yes … I said exercise.  More on that later! 

As I snuggle against my heating pad and hope for my Milk of Mag to kick in, I cannot help but to compliment my progress thus far.

I have followed my doctor's directions and have settled in nicely to my routine as a post-op patient.

Waking up, usually between 7am and 8:30am, I have a glass of water and walk a few laps around the house. I check my wounds, use the bathroom, and ultimately find my way back to my throne of a recliner.

Then, I enjoy my breakfast of either a vanilla or chocolate protein shake.  This takes about a half hour or so to get down … not because I'm physically restricted, but because I am intentionally pacing myself.

While sitting, I am sure to keep my feet up … gotta keep those pesky blood clots away … and then make myself aware of the time and keep track of making sure I walk around, drink fluids, drink my protein, and of course, enjoy a bit of soup for lunch and dinner.

I have found a new love of sugar-free popsicles and guiltlessly indulge in at least one per day.  Today, I had two.  Guiltless.

The gas pain in the left shoulder is the only residual annoyance I can complain about now. It's dull at times, sharp others … but always present.  Walking does help, I won't deny that … but I'm hoping a few more days will pass and so will the gas.

Perhaps a massage will ease the bubble … hmmm … oh' hubby ….!!!!  LOL!

Day Five of Post-Op:

The scale smiled at me this morning as the numbers 207 shined … yes, this makes 23 pounds down!  Woot!

I have been logging my foods via MyFitnessPal and trying to increase my water intake.  My total calories are inline with what my doctor has suggested and I have had no problem with keeping anything down.

Doc wants me on 'full liquids' for two weeks … he said, "the rule of thumbs is, if you can fit it through a straw you can have it!"  He then stipulated that I should avoid drinking anything through a straw … too much air and gas! LOL!For now, it's soup!  Tomorrow we are going out to dinner with friends and it'll be a mini-test.  It's at a restaurant that I wanted to check out before surgery, but we never made it over that way.  I plan on looking at the menu up online tonight and praying they have soups!  Perhaps a nice broccoli and cheddar … non-chunky, of course!

Day one … 

Doctor Wasser described my surgery as 'uneventful' … a good word if you ask me! 

Mom and I arrived to the hospital at 7am and Dad met us there a few minutes later.  It was very comforting to have them both there with me.  Mom came back to see me in pre-op first, but left in tears … I knew she was nervous, yet proud of me.  Dad came back next (they had a 1 person at  time rule) and was there to see me off as they wheeled me to the OR.  We had some laughs, but I could see he was nervous, too … I hated putting my parents through this, but they both know it will be good for me.  

As they opened the doors to OR #5 I could hear the Jackson Five grooving in the background and everyone was buzzing around in good spirits.  I remember moving myself onto the OR table and making some small talk with the doctors and nurses.  Everyone was nice and acted as if it were just another day at the office for them … they put me at ease and the music was a nice touch!  

I remember them placing a mask over my face and telling me it was O2 … the next thing I knew I was in recovery.  Uneventfully. 

I was told in pre-op that I was anemic and had to sign a waiver allowing them to give me blood if needed.  Dr. Wasser said my count was at a 9, but should be at least 12.  There is no doubt in my mind what caused this.

On October 27th I had gotten my period.  For me this is a rare occasion, but I didn't think too much about it at the time. As the days turned into weeks and those weeks grew to be over a month I grew worried.  I saw Dr. Chao and she put me on hormone treatments to stop the bleeding and 'reset' my system. We had to adjust the dose 3x before it worked … the bleeding was heavy and nearly debilitating. Finally, ten days ago, the bleeding stopped!  Whew!  I needed to be off the hormones prior to surgery and feared another D/C if round three of the meds had not worked. 

In any case, I guess 10 days is not enough time to rebuild my blood levels. One would think that the insane amount of protein I have had would help, but without eating 'normal' it wasn't enough.  They ran a quick CBC and the levels were still at 9 … but in post-op they never said I needed anything so I can safely assume there was minimal bleeding.  

What I did learn in post-op is that I had a Hiatal Hernia.  

"A hiatal hernia occurs when part of your stomach pushes upward through your diaphragm. Your diaphragm normally has a small opening (hiatus) through which your food tube (esophagus) passes on its way to connect to your stomach. The stomach can push up through this opening and cause a hiatal hernia.


In most cases, a small hiatal hernia doesn't cause problems, and you may never know you have a hiatal hernia unless your doctor discovers it when checking for another condition. But a large hiatal hernia can allow food and acid to back up into your esophagus, leading to heartburn. Self-care measures or medications can usually relieve these symptoms, although a very large hiatal hernia sometimes requires surgery." - Mayo Clinic

I can't think back to having any symptoms, so i guess it was a small hernia.  In any case, it is now fixed.

Around 2pm I was moved into a post-op holding area and my parents were allowed to come back and hang out with me.  I was in and out of consciousness, but I could see that the nurses were pleased with my recovery thus far.  About 3:00 my mom left and Angie came up.  It was so awesome being surround by such love and support.

----- meds are taking over now ----- will continue this post after a few more Zzzzzz!

First … I survived day one of my full liquid diet and protein for pre-op!!!  Yeah!

Second … when I re-read the diet guidelines from Dr. Wasser I noticed that cream and broth based soups are a-ok!!  The only day I need 100% clear liquid is the day before surgery!

Lastly … I am now going to turn my focus onto homemade creamy soups, discovering the BEST canned soups out there, AND exploring some soupy shortcuts for those 'one the run' days.

Case and point …

I made myself a cup of broth yesterday … gross!  Too salty! TJ figured he would try his hand at heating up some for me, too … he worked his own spice-adding magic, but again … total fail.  A few moments later my mom surprised us with a visit.  She offered to get me some wonton-free wonton soup … broth only!  It felt like a bad episode of Goldilocks and the 3 bears!

Needless to say, the wonton broth was a total success. My first soupy shortcut has been found! An hour later is when I realized I could have had a creamy soup.  This opens up a whole new world.

Today for brunch I am sipping on a cup of creamy, butternut squash soup.  I sprinkled a touch of nutmeg into the soup while heating it on the stove … yum!!  For an early breakfast I had a protein shake and I will take one with me to work in an hour … I took the morning off to see Dr. Chao.  That's another story, for another time.

I don't know about dinner yet, but I am feeling some creative culinary moments coming on … avocado soup … cream carrot … sweet potato …. etc..!

Thank goodness for the new blender/food processor … I have a feeling we're going to become very close in the days and weeks ahead.

So it seems I have swapped that full, glutinous, swollen feeling for a migraine and absolutely no freakin' energy.  Grr.

TJ gave me some Ibuprofen about ten minutes ago and a steamy mug of lemon tea.

He's the best.

Admittedly, I have thought about Robin's Nest two times … now three …and then I laugh at myself with utmost disappointment.

Am I really pouting about food?

Yes.

Ok, I know Robin's Nest isn't just about the 'food' … after all, it is the restaurant that people swoon over when you mention going there … it's the ambiance, the victorian charm, eclectic decor … and then the deliciously, creative, and eruptive culinary experience.

Plus, the gift card has no expiration date.  Perhaps this will be a nice way to celebrate a date night once I reach week 6 post-op.

No, I'm not 'doing it again' by rewarding myself with food … I don't know if I ever really did that. Realistically speaking, my husband and I enjoy fine dining … my old 'normal' may be gone, but that is what this is all about … out with the old, in with the new … a new normal.

Protein first, followed by veggies, then the grains.

Nothing to drink while I enjoy my meal.

See … I'm getting the hang of this … perhaps tonight I should make that chart.  My very own play by play, week by week, summary of what I can and cannot do or have.


The 'planner' in me is itching to do something productive!

Stay tuned!

Two days post-Turkey Day … leftovers calling my name … little did I know it would be my 'last supper'.

TJ and I piled our plates high with green bean casserole, mashed potatoes, turkey, sweet potatoes, stuffing, and corn at about 9:30 last night.  Within 20 minutes I felt like a stuffed tick.

    Disgusting.

         Painful.

              Swollen.

                   Guilty.

"That's it", I told him.

For whatever reason, in that moment I decided I was done.  No more waiting until Monday. No more procrastination and rationalizations.

This morning I held to my word, and as I sit here now I am accompanied by a protein drink, a cup of broth, and a large glass of water.

Brief battles ensue within my thoughts …

"Today was your last day of eating whatever you want … don't you want those pancakes!?!"

"You don't have to start this today … you said Monday … don't make this harder on yourself!"

"Dr. Wasser said to start this on 12/4 … that's more than a week from now!"

"You and TJ had plans of going to Robin's Nest tonight for dinner … you're going to break your date night for this!?!"

Faaahhhhhhh!!!!

Will-power prevails … I've put this off long enough.

Anything else I do right now would be hypocritical.

Besides … I know I have a couple days coming up that will not be following pre-op guidelines 100% … 2 days in AC for a conference and the night of the 11th when I have a dinner to attend.  I won't be going overboard, but I will be realistic. Keeping with non-chunky soups and high protein/low-fat options like fish … chewing them into mush.  I'll bring some protein shakes with me to the hotel in AC, too … that will take some of the guess work out, but for the most part TJ and I have a good handle on what to do and where to go for dinner.

Sounds great in theory … this time next week we'll see how well I pass the first test.

I stood with the sun against my back, starring intently at the large, looming shadow before me. Lifting up my arms like wings, my lips twist up in disgust.  I am an apple with appendages.  Cracking a joke on myself, I taunt my husband with another 'fat girl' remark.  He gets annoyed with me and then takes my hand as we walk across the parking lot toward the double doors.

Inside, the receptionist is nice.  She's use to fat people (I tell myself), so either she's looking at me with non-judgemental or apathetic eyes.  Either way, I don't care. This is why I am here.

Twenty minutes later we sitting opposite of Dr. Wasser.  A handsome, middle-aged man with salt and pepper hair and the first thing I note to myself is that he is not overweight.  That would just be odd.

He explains that besides a blood clot to the lung, my surgery holds little to no risks.  I can feel TJ's hand tighten.  He's never been under anesthesia and it's the only part of this whole process I know he dreads. I make a note to myself to offer him a nudge of reassurance later; the pre-op speech is typical, almost scripted.  In other words, I will be fine.  Just as I always have and now will continue to be … especially once 80-100 pounds of me are history.

Dr. Wasser and TJ begin to discuss the plastic model of a stomach sitting on he desk between them. They fiddle with the lap band used to demonstrate how the device works and how the 'pillows' are filled, the port is positioned, the stomach eventually shrinks up a bit over time, and so forth.  I nod and smile with my best active listening gestures, but inside my thoughts are waving through fears, what-ifs, and excitement.

I was glad the doctor took the time to show us the stomach model, but I could tell he was in a hurry to keep his morning going.  I hope his semi-rush-like ways are different in the operating room and that I am more then just 'next'. He'd know me as a person if I had attended one of his support group meetings. Perhaps I will look up the date of the next meeting and find my way over there.  Who knows, maybe I'll meet some other gals jumping on the December 'band'wagon.

As we walked back towards TJ's truck I re-examined my shadow.  She is still round like an apple with appendages, but what I notice this time is the large, looming and muscular shape beside me reaching out his hand for mine.  Smiling to myself, I know everything is going to be ok.  Even his shadow looks at me with the utmost love and respect.  Over the next several weeks and months I will be sending us on a journey; a self-inflicted, purposeful, and life-saving journey.  I may not like my shadow today, but the one beside me loves me just the way I am.  He must really like apples.